don't be long

"You miss childhood so much you try dressing like you would if you were seven again. sneakers and frilly socks. big t-shirts and messy hair, because you’ve stopped caring about perfect hair. you don’t mind getting your knees dirty or scabs on your shins. those pains don’t make you flinch. those pains don’t talk to you at night. those pains don’t hurt like the hurt you’ve really felt. the type of hurt that can’t be pin pointed or fixed with copious amounts of Neosporin.

You don’t worry about how you’ll feel in the morning until the morning comes. you bite the skin off the tips of your fingers like your aiming for the bone. because the stress and pain hits you bone deep. bone deep. its almost romantic sounding. but isn’t being so broken such a romantic thing anymore? sad music doesn’t even phase you. its all you know. instrumentals lined with tiny violins and crying cellos. you lay back in the grass and close your eyes. you try forgetting about the city surrounding you. the heat rises from the pavement and grips your lungs like my hands grip the small of your neck. the sun beats down on you like you owe it money. but you don’t sweat. this is the small stuff. ice coffee and a bagel with cream cheese. start your day happy. fall apart at the end. repeat. things get better. then they get worse. three months of total bliss for three months of total shit. thats the way life works right? it always gets better though. be still."

WHEN WOULD IT BE MY TURN

we carry these things inside us
that no one else can see
they hold us down like anchors
and down us out at sea

/emo qiqi is emo again/



HAHAHAHA i know I've posted this gif before, but hehehehe its really one of my favorite pictures!! Because Crazy Stupid Love is honestly one of my favorite romance comedy ever.:)) Sorry I seem so emo on my blog, hahaha the truth is I'm only in the mood to blog when I'm emo, so deal with it kay.

my heart is overwhelmed

"You can spend minutes, hours, days, weeks, and even months overanalyzing a situation, trying to put the pieces together, justifying the would've, could've and should've, or you can leave the pieces on the floor and move on."

Been feeling pretty moody and emotional lately but I've decided to be grateful for the things I have and the people around me. :)

A wallflower?

Can't stand how people have the power to consume me.
 ...
Sigh. I guess I'm just an immensely conflicted individual.



But in the end,
everyone turns into the person
they swore they'd never become.

“Before you speak, let your words pass through three gates.

At the first gate, ask yourself, ‘Is it true?’
At the second ask, ‘Is it necessary?’
At the third gate ask ‘Is it kind?’”

—      Rumi

it turns you into a story-teller

Its becoming harder and harder to fake smiles. So sick and tired of this wholly place.

I guess you don't really know how I feel which is sad, but its fine. I'm fine. Its okay because you mean too much to me.



pw would be over in two days. whooo

"If you really love her, you’ll be patient with her. 

 She’s not always that sweet, cute and loving girl that loves to tease you, play with you, kiss you and do those cute stuff with you. She’s not always that nice girl who gives you that warm smile and loves to play with your hair and tickle your stomach. 

Because sometimes or should I say most of the times, she can be that annoying girl who will test your patience. She can be an irritating, thick-headed girl who loves to run in circles and give you mixed signals that’ll surely freak you out. She will get in your nerve and dealing with her is not that easy. Her unpredictability can be a big problem knowing that she’s not that easy to read and thinking of what you’ll do with her when she’s in that state is like a solving a puzzle, very hard. She wants you to chase after her, and if you don’t, she’ll get mad. She’ll push you one second, and then pull you the next. She can be a real problem in the ass. 

But then again, if you really love her, you’ll be patient with her. 

In the beginning, you already know that she isn’t the easiest girl to put up with. You should already know that she’s unpredictable and that once in a while, this behavior of her will possess her, and that when this time comes, you should know what to do already. 

Because she’s your girl. 

She’s the extension of yourself so you should know her that well. If she’s mad, and she’s provoking you, then you should know how to calm yourself down because if you also let anger eats you, you’ll just fight and it won’t do you any good. If she’s sad, you should already know the right timing for everything. You know when is the right time to crack a joke, when is the right time to be serious, and when is the right time to just sit down with her and listen. She can be annoying and irritating, but at the end of the day, she can also be that sweet, loving and submissive girl. 

You just can’t love her sweet side, because if you really love her, you’ll also love her rough parts."


hehe so cute :)))

from my rotten body flowers will grow

Before you get emotionally invested in me, just know that I’m fucking crazy and I’ll probably say some asshole-ish things and then cry when you get mad at me and I have emotional breakdowns all of the time.

pursue the authentic

Life has interesting ways of working.
Hmmmmmm I wish I could read minds. :(
 

Owning your own feelings

So anyway PROMOS are finally over hahahahahahahahahahahaha, I feel this suden surge of relief omg. Its amazing how I was feeling like I was literally gonna die yesterday, but now I feel so dan carefreee heheheheheehehehehehe. The world is a great place.

But I must say, jc life is really something. It has really freaking turned my world upside now and inside out and etc etc I just dont know how to do or feel anymore. I'm beginning to question this person I have become. Seriously.I don't feel like myself, yet I am still the exact same person I was.

I really cannot take the stress. Urgh, well anyway, yesterday before chinese, it was the last day of promos and I was really feeling so damn burnt out I really couldn't take life anymore. I sorta did something that I really really really regret. URRRGHHHH. Now I'm just gonna be thick-skinned and I have to pretend that nothing happened. URRRGHHH screw mood swings. I really hate fucking pms-ing.

AHH my life is really damn pathetic.
I hope tomorrow - wouldn't talk to me.




I feel like this sometimes, eventhough today is supposed to be a HAPPY DAYY hehehehehehee

i wait and ache

“love is thicker than forget
more thinner than recall
more seldom than a wave is wet
more frequent than to fail

it is most mad and moonly
and less it shall unbe
than all the sea which only
is deeper than the sea

love is less always than to win
less never than alive
less bigger than the least begin
less littler than forgive

it is most sane and sunly
and more it cannot die
than all the sky which only
is higher than the sky”
― E.E. Cummings

yes mom i know my room is a mess its a metaphor for my life im trying to be poetic

Isador & Ida Straus

The couple had been married for 41 years at the time of the disaster. They raised six children together, and were almost inseparable. On the rare occasion that they were apart, they wrote each other every day. They even celebrated their birthdays on the same day, although they were well apart from one another. During the sinking, Titanic’s officers pleaded with the 63 year old Ida to board a lifeboat and escape the disaster, but she repeatedly refused to leave her husband. Instead, she placed her maid in a lifeboat, taking her fur coat off and handing it to the maid while saying, “I won’t need this anymore”. At one point, she was convinced to enter one of the last two lifeboats, but jumped out as her husband walked away to rejoin him.

When last seen by witnesses, they were standing on deck, holding each other in a tight embrace. Their funeral drew some 6,000 mourners at Carnegie Hall.

A monument to them still stands in a Bronx cemetery, it’s inscription reads:
“Many waters cannot quench love, neither can the floods drown it.”

you're just mad cute

“All people dream, but not equally.
Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their mind,
Wake in the morning to find that it was vanity.

But the dreamers of the day are dangerous people,
For they dream their dreams with open eyes,
And make them come true.”

— D.H. Lawrence, “Dreams” (via cexjay) 


Life is for deep kisses, strange adventures, midnight swims and rambling conversations, why are you acting so indifferent? I loved the conversation we had that day. :)

radiate positive vibes

And this is why I stay home most of the time.


HAHAHAHAHAHA

Anyway, I tried studying outside alone yesterday and it was so productive. :') Not as productive as I had expected but still, what I would have accomplished at home would have been a far cry from what I did. Both quality and quantity. HAHAHA. Oh and I got to have a cozy one-on-one catch up date with my lovely becky over lunch and it was fun. Saturdays should be more like that from now on. ^^ P.S. sorry for the lack of updates hahaha jc life is really hell

“May your trails be crooked, winding, lonesome, dangerous, but they would always lead you to the most amazing view you have ever seen.”

keep aiming

"Be daring, be different, be impractical,

be anything that will assert integrity of purpose and imaginative vision against the play-it-safers, the creatures of the commonplace, the slaves of the ordinary." 

-- Cecil Beaton

“A good laugh and a long sleep are the two best cures for anything.” —      Irish Proverb

what can the world show you?

“I said never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn’t apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn’t say sorry for falling. Feelings just are.”
—  Iain S. Thomas, Intentional Dissonance


:(

I'm sad cos I miss you.

Anything could happen.

Its so interesting how feelings can really change. HAHA I kinda wish I had the old feels about certain things but.. Nevermind maybe its all for the best. :)

I think ever since I came to JC I started getting these random mood swings like crazyyy I really can't stand it. :( I feel so sad and then happy and then bored as hell and depressed and suddenly crazy and I just do the most stupidest and lamest things on earth and I'm totally not feeling like myself. :( The worse part is that these ""emotions" re like super duper extreme. HAHA like... I WOULD FEEL SO DEPRESSED LIKE DYING AND THEN I WOULD FEEL SO HAPPY LIKE SMASHING INTO A WALL AND REBOUNDING BACKWARDS ON TO THE FLOOR AND LIKE LITERALLY DIE LAUGHING.

THIS IS HORRIBLE.

Anyway wouldn't it be interesting to be someone else? And I don't mean like some other random Singaporean with their lame boring lives revolving around studying and all this bla bla bullshit.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm heeheeheeheeee *cue uncontrollable laughter* *winkwinkwinkwinkwink* BAHAHAHAHAHAHA

And lol. I think I'm ruining your impression of me by being shit boring.
The old me would care, but unfortunately now I dont.

Hmmm

I have no idea why either. 



yeah.

lol

Sorry for not updating that often haha. Holidays are just so mundane you have no idea how pathetic my life is now. Just can't wait for jcts to be over so we can have a mini holiday again hehehehe k bai.

be happiness itself.

 

random lah

I am bored, very bored indeed. Oh well, a good thing about this holiday, is that i am officially bored of Twitter and Whatsapp. HAHAHA, I just hope this feeling would last forever, and I would be so forced to study out of boredom.

 Lalala, so well anyway,
sighsighsigh, byebyebye.

I just had to share this picture, and that's actually kinda why I posted hahaha.

embrace bright lights

“We do not believe in ourselves until someone reveals that deep inside us something is valuable, worth listening to, worthy of our trust, sacred to our touch. Once we believe in ourselves we can risk curiosity, wonder, spontaneous delight or any experience that reveals the human spirit.”
― E.E. Cummings



lol i dont get why you even text me. I mean errr?

~~
Swim in the sea;
Drive all night;
Count the stars;
Find true love;
Get really drunk.

boats against the current, bourne back ceaselessly into the past.

“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that's no matter--tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther.... And one fine morning-- So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”― F. Scott Fitzgerald, The Great Gatsby



Daisy is just such a fucking bitch, okay omg I hate her.

paint me a sky.

WOKE UP TODAY IN VENGENCE AND DECIDED THAT THERE WOULD BE NO MORE MOPING. ITS TIME FOR YOU INSIGNIFICANT BITCHES TO WAKE UP BECAUSE I. AM. HERE. AWW YEAA

 Speak 5 lines to yourself every morning:

1. Everything is possible.
2. I can do it.
3. I am a conqueror.
4. Today is the day.
5. God is always with me.

I'm not technically a christian or a catholic but I still believe in god. :')
Well, anyway, I spent the whole of yesterday leading the life of a slug hahahaha so there's nothing really much to update about my life. I just really miss my old friends and I really wanna talk to them again but they're all busy with themselves. Mehhhhhh.. I guess I understand but it kinda sucks. :(

I wonder why I decided to take up A'levels... :( Maybe I should have freaking went IB instead. >:(

Oh yeah again, I rejuvenated my passion for literature and poetry. Kinda glad that I didn't take lit because apparently it is quite hiong here in TJ hahaha. I'll most probably hate it if I had to study it. But, life sure is kinda boring without my daily/weekly dosage of philosophical crap for me to ponder or rave about. SIGH SIGH SIGH.

She acts like summer and walks like rain
Reminds me that there's a time to change
Since the return from her stay on the moon
She listens like spring and talks like June.

Nothing much, just something to think about. :)
I like how words can evoke an endless string of possibilities...

~~

"Laughter is timeless, imagination has no age, and dreams are forever." - Walt Disney

Pain is inevitable for a large intelligence & a deep heart

"Your past is not anything physical where you could just get rid off and tear away. It is not a part of your skin where you could cut off, nor a part of your hair where you could just shave off. Your past is a part you, it breathes with you, it lives with you, it is you. There are many days and nights when it haunts you, it lingers around your every step and breath, it is a reminder that a part of you will always be a part of you. You take that part and you build upon it, you learn from it, but you can’t let it go because you need it to be a whole, you need it to be you."


Met up with some old friends yesterday to kick start my holiday and it really got me thinking about how different I am from what I expected today. I told myself that everything happens for a reason, and I was probably meant to be here but it hurts. I'm not happy. I'm not proud. Life just really sucks because I work my ass off but it doesn't pay off. Some people are just luckier and better than others and I really hate myself for being so inferior.

Someone asked me why I'm so sad all the time,

I have absolutely no idea. To be honest, I have no reason to be sad. I'm doing okay in school, I have friends, my family is ohhkayy and I have no struggles in life. But still, I'm sad. I'm always sad. I don't want to be sad. I HAVE NO REASON TO BE SAD. I don't know... Part of my heart is just incomplete and I have no idea why.

This is just so frustrating.

I just hope things would get better eventually and I would not be so stuck on my past, my expectations, and my failures.
I guess I've just gotta open my heart; It'll be hard, but I swear I'll try. :)

~~~

"I am in the mood to dissolve into the sky." - Virginia Woolf

Chin up. :)

Life is not perfect; it never will be.
You just have to make the very best of it,
& you have to open your heart to what the world can show you.
Sometimes it's terrifying and sometimes its incredibly beautiful... 

I'll take both, thanks.



Accurrate depiction of my current feelings hahahaha but oh well its the june holidays whoo hoo time to be positive. :)



I hate it when you can't stop thinking about that one person. and deep down inside you know they probably haven't thought about you once. :/

Silence.

I just wish I have someone to share my interesting observations with without the fear of getting judged. HAHAHAHAHA I noticed something reallaye interesting today and REALLAYE wanna share it but I don't want to be that gossipy bitch that starts rumors about my friends. :/

The most special kind of love is often about nothing at all.

"Sometimes we put up walls.
Not to keep people out,
but to see who cares enough
to knock them down."

Life is just so hectic as per usual, and I get so frustrated because I really don't understand a single bloody thing.
URGHHH anyway gonna have a hot date later plus band concert wheeee~~ be excited for me. ^^

Reading Love and Other Tragedies again and it just drives me insane. :'(  OMG SO MANY FEELS. I wonder if that kind of love really truly exists. It really amazes me how people in these fictional stories manage to find their true love at 17.

The relationships I know of now are just so immature.

Hmmm.. nothing much I guess, just filled with so many random thoughts.
 

I have two moods

One is highly sophisticated intellectual
who goes into complex thoughts and is always moody and deep

the other is an immature 5 year old
that doesn’t know how to control herself or her language or her actions

there is no inbetween

Thoughts.. just some random thoughts...

Hey guys, so another update today. :) Well anyway, had oral today and I am OH SO royally screwed. :( It was sooo bad, I think I went out of point. :( Oh wait, no. The teacher told me that I went out of point -.- boo hoo hoo. Jc life is just really hard, I miss the ease of sec school life so much. :( The worse part is that you do so bad that you aren't even motivated to do better/work harder. :( I had a nice chat with my brother hahaha, and he is just really so damn bloody smart. Sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I hope his smartness would just rub off on me but who am I kidding, I have zero IQ and general knowledge.

This has been a bad week thus far.

I'm just so sick of life.

after many bouts of angst:
screw this and screw me really.



 I really admire those people who can write poems.

Well anyway, dieting starts tomorrow and actually for real this time. :)
I shall just go slow and cut down on my random snacking.

Here's to new beginnings

Hey guys, so I've finally decided to resume updating on this blog!! Livejournal was totally just a phase for me.. Well anyway, this shall be my own personal space for ranting and just being me! I promise I'll update more often. :)

Well, life is really boring now, BUT NEXT FEW WEEKS ARE GONNA BE LIKE HELL BOO HOO HOO GUYS PRAY FOR ME.

So anyway, goodbye for now.

Taylor swift is so pretty~
(and the new blogger layout is pissing me off. Urgh why does everything piss me off?)